Distant Longing
by Random Snarfle
Summary: 8 years after Ed and Al were trapped in our world, they're forced to flee to America. Al has a family now, and Ed feels misreble and alone. How much more can the Fullmetal Alchemist sink into depression before it swallows him up?
1. Prologue

**Note**: Do not read if you have no watched the **whole series** + the **movie**. This takes place 8 years after the evenmts in Conquerer of Shamballa. Also, this story has a large amount of angst, some of which will seem out of character. Please note that after 8 years in a war torn country, one can be expected to change. Do **NOT** comment on anything that trails out of character. I'm writing this for myself, not for fans.

* * *

The year is 1931. With golden eyes scanning the room, making sure everything was set; one Edward Elric began to cry softly. He wanted this life to end, this feeble existence of another world. He longed to see those he loved again. He wanted to feel their soft skin under his fingertips. To gaze into their eyes and embrace them, telling them he'll never leave them; ever. 

But Edward was lost; lost in world that did not belong to him. It has been eight long years now since that day. After being trapped here, alone, thoughts for seeing his brother alive again the only thing to keep him company, Edward had finally worked out a way to see Alphonse again. With his little brother beside him, he and Edward had accomplished so much; they found the Uranium bomb and destroyed it; they helped countless people, who were being spited because of their race, escape to the Americas. After the rumors that a war were to start began to really circulate, Ed and his brother left for their themselves, only to find a deep depression just as terrible as the one in Munich.

Now, after eight years, Al had decided to end the adventuring on the day he turned 21. "I want a normal life now, Edward," he had told him, "I'm tired of thinking of everything as one step closer to getting back home; I'm done with that. I'm ready to start my new life now!"

Another sparkling tear fled from Edward's eyes and onto his cheek. While he may have Alphonse, his beloved brother, Alphonse was now preoccupied with another, one more important than Edward in this world. Alphonse had met a woman when they came to America, and has since married her, gaining citizenship; something Edward has not accomplished. While Alphonse cares for his new wife and dreams of future children, Edward dreads the day he may be deported back amidst war and chaos. More than that, however, he dreads of what is happening in Amestris, and what may have become of those he loved. No, of those he loves.

Alphonse used to always tell him that everything was fine. Despite being so young compared to him, Al was really okay with the distance between his former friends. He was the one who chose to come back with Edward, after all. In the early years, he even would tell Edward to wait; to wait for the day they may stumble upon a way to return home. In those days, Edward wasn't so preoccupied with getting home. Only now, after Noa has departed from their new world, has Edward longed to be home.

While arguing with an officer, who was trying to punish a family of Jews for breaking so kind of law, she was shot; accused of starting a riot in an attempt to cause mischief. Ed and Al knew better. They mourned over her grave in silence, with no tears falling from Ed's eyes. Not much unlike the way they once stood over their mother's grave. It was this event that truly pushed them into escaping; and bringing as many others with them as they could. However, while Edward meant escaping from the country to another, inside his heart, he still half-hoped that he could escape from this world.

Now, so many years have passed. He once lived with Alphonse, but decided he was in the way of Al's relationship with his wife, and so he silently left to find an apartment in the slums of town. Edward had never seen it until now: he was truly alone. He was alone, and sad, and couldn't take it anymore!

The room was slowly filling with water. He turned on the tub and allowed the murky, vile water fill the greasy tub until it began to overflow. He stared down as the water and clapped is hands together. He set those hands on the rim of the tub, as if to transmute it bigger to catch the falling water. He gripped the porcelain, and wept.

"This… life…" He mumbled to himself, "This life… no… I don't want it to go on like this… like this…!" He stole out a blade from his automail arm and shoved it again his flesh skin. He stopped, a small trail of blood leaking down his arm. He eyed the precious metal arm; his final memento from Winry, an old childhood friend. A friend he can never see again because of this accursed world.

He took some blood in his fingers and opened his shirt, where a scar in the form of a transmutation circle was carved into the flesh. He drew a ring of blood around that circle, and once again clapped his hands, touching it to his chest.

He sat there in a daze. What was he hoping would happen? That his anguish would send him back home? He dropped his arms and fell to his knees. No more tears fell form those goldenrod eyes, but one look would tell you that tears still fell from his heart.

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_To be continued..._


	2. Chapter 1

Why do people do little disclaimers at the top of their Fictions? This is a site meant for Fan fiction, so you won't be sued. And who would, in the right mind, think you actually owned the series? Give me proof that the original creators post Fan Fictions of their own works here, and I'll proudly put a disclaimer.

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Alphonse burst into the room. His eyes drifted around from the bare floor to the leaking ceiling. They then focused on what was right ahead of him; the bathroom. He barged in, and there, on the floor, sat his beloved older brother Edward, his clothes soaked and the water of a mix of dirt, water, and blood. Alphonse fell to his knees and stared at Edward. His eyes were cold and blank, staring endlessly into something Al couldn't see.

"Brother?" Al asked gingerly, leaning towards Ed, hoping for a response.

Edward turned his head slightly and looked at Alphonse. His brother Al was here, with him. Why was it he wanted to leave this place so badly? Tears fell from Edward's face, and he said those three words, the first three words he said to him each and every time he visited.

"I'm sorry… Al…"

Alphonse lifted his arms and his hands trembled. Unable to take looking at the wretched creature in front of him, and leaped out and wrapped his arms around Edward, crying gently, "Why, brother? Why? Why can't I… why can't I make you smile anymore?"

"I'm sorry… I'm… so sorry…" Edward kept chanting to himself.

Al pulled away and slapped his brother across the face, "Stop saying that. You have no reason to be sorry!" He immediately gasped, realizing what he had just done, and he once again embraced his older brother, "I'm sorry Edward. I won't slap you again." He looked down then at his wrists, "But… why? Why do you do this to yourself?"

Edward gave no reply.

"Don't you know… don't you know this won't help you see Winry again!?"

Edward's eyes shot open as he turned and shoved Alphonse to the ground; towering over him, "Don't you say her name…" Edward breathed shakily, "Don't you say… her name!" He shot a punch towards Al's face with his metal limb, but swung so hard he lost his balance and collapsed sideways; landing next to Alphonse.

They both lay there for a minute of two, until Alphonse heaved a heavy sigh, "Brother… how long are we going to keep doing this? How long can we keep this up until it destroys us?"

Edward sat up from where he lay on the floor and looked down at the cuts on his wrist. Alphonse sat next to him and looked at it; wincing, "Doesn't that hurt?"

Edward was quiet for a minute, and then said softly, "Not as much as the pain in my heart."

Alphonse frowned as he stood to his feet, dragging Edward up with him. Despite the automail, this wasn't hard: Alphonse had grown fair and tall, while Edward still remained shorter than he. But Alphonse couldn't tell whether Edward was physically shorter, or so emotionally drained that his body was in a permanent slump. "Ed…" Alphonse cooed, putting his arm over his brother's shoulder, "Come on. You're staying at my place… and I won't take no for an answer!"

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"Al, sweetie!" A small woman with short blonde hair and a plain brown dress ran out to greet Alphonse and Edward, who were walking back up the long dirt road that led to their home. Unlike Edward, who lived in the city, Alphonse and his wife moved into the country, in the hope that they could stay away from the war if they weren't around to hear news of it.

"Hello, Martel!" Alphonse said with a wave as his wife ran up to him and threw her arms around him.

Martel was this world's equivalent to the Martel of their own world. In their world, she was a chimera, killed by King Bradley. In this world, her family originally came from Germany, but moved to the states before she was born. Alphonse recognized her while walking through town one day, and before they knew it, they fell in love, despite the difference in ages between them. Times were hard when they first met, but the two of them said they could pull through because they had each other. That was when Alphonse finally stopped searching for a way to get back home.

Martel looked and saw Edward, melancholy as usual, standing behind Alphonse. She smiled, "Why, hello Edward. How nice to see you! Are you well?"

"Yeah… I guess…" Edward replied blankly.

Martel's smile faded as she pursed her lips. She turned to Alphonse, "Is he here for dinner, or…"

Alphonse smiled weakly, "He'll be staying with us for a few days… things have been so rough lately, and I think that it's best we keep family as close as possible." He paused, waiting for approval or rejection of his story.

Martel, however, could see through right away that keeping family close wasn't the full reason for Edward's being here… but she didn't mind having company over. Even if it was Edward, "Yes, that is a fine idea. I'll go get the guestroom ready." She turned and headed back towards the house, with Alphonse waving her off.

"You don't need to do this…"

Alphonse looked over at Edward. His eyes looked so empty and his face was so worn that he looked 10 years older than his actual age. Just looking at his brother like this made Al want to cry; but he had to stay strong; for Edward, "I'm not doing this because I need to. I'm doing this because I want to. You're my brother Ed. I'm worried about you."

Edward's face seemed to sink even lower at that. He was making Alphonse worry now. Was he nothing but a mass of bothers for everyone? That was what prompted him to wish for death in the first place.

Death. The word rang in Edward's head. He's seen enough of it in his life to understand it, and yet he never truly understood what death was. Scientifically, it's when someone's life ends. But what does that mean, really? Were they living peacefully somewhere? No. they're dead, they aren't living anywhere. Edward often thought to himself what it would feel like to be nowhere, to be gone as if you never existed. These thoughts made him smile in spite of the morbidity of it all.

Alphonse sighed at seeing Edward drift off again. Was there no hope for his brother? Was Edward doomed to feel attached to the world of his past? Why, oh, why didn't he try harder to get Edward to stay on their side of the gate all those years ago?

* * *

"Winry! Winry!" A girl with tanned skin, brown hair, and pink bangs, ran up the stairs, slamming open the door where Winry Rockbell, Automail Extraordinaire, was just finishing the automail for her next appointment.

"Huh?" Rose? Rose!" Winry ran over towards the other girl and threw her arms around her, "How great to see you!" She paused, then separated quickly, "Aah… sorry about that…" She laughed, embarrassed, "It's just been so long since I've had any visitors, what with Granny all held up in the hospital with a broken hip…"

Rose shook her head, "No need to apologize… It's just… I was coming for a visit when I saw someone… and I needed to tell you…"

Winry's heart skipped a beat. Could it be…? No. It's impossible. It must be something different, "Who is it?"

A knock on the frame of the now open door answered her question. Clad in his usual military attire stood General Roy Mustang… complete with eye patch, "I'm sorry for dropping in somewhat unexpectedly, Ms. Rockbell."

Winry faltered for a second, then regained her composure, "Of course, you always do, General Mustang. What brings you to this side of Risembool?"

"Oh… well I was… just in the neighborhood, and I figured I should pay an old friend a visit."

Winry smiled at him. She knew that it wasn't her he was here for. And while they have no been on the terms of friends for quite a few years, they've never addressed each other by name. No, the real old friend he's been looking for has been Ed this entire time.

"Oh yes…" He held out a bouquet of flowers, "I brought these… for your grandmother. Knowing her, she would much rather receive them from you from me, than receive them directly from a dog of the military."

Winry smiled and took the flowers, "I'm sure she'll love them. Thank you."

There was an awkward silence after that. Somewhere in his mind, Roy had thought that he would come back here and find Edward, short and angry as ever, sitting down getting his automail repaired by Winry after busting it up in some fight. It's been ten years since Ed first disappeared and eight years since he's seen him. You'd think after all this time, he could forget that brat.

Roy cleared his throat and turned to leave, "Sorry for intruding. I must be off to Central."

As he started down the stairs, Winry called out, "Wait!"

He stopped and turned, Winry, with tears in her eyes, "…sorry… I just… I need to know… if you… if you're still looking for a way to… bring them back… if there's anyway I can help…!"

Roy smiled at her. Not his general smirk, but a sincere smile, "Thank you. I'll remember than. Please take care of yourself." And on that note, he walked out the door and onto that dusty trail he first walked on the night he first met Edward.

* * *

Time for everyone to go AWWW. Roy misses Edward. Whether there will be WinEd or RoyEd in this tale is yet to be seen. As you can tell, however, I do support MartAl (Which actually sound slike Martel's names! xD). 


End file.
